Why Saying No Can Improve Your Life

The Power of Saying No

Saying no is hard. This has been one of the biggest struggles for me when it comes to my personal relationships. One of my core values is connection with those I love and sometimes it’s necessary to say no to them to say yes to what I want or need in the moment. I’m just your average recovering people pleaser over here. *hi.

Saying no is an underestimated super power.

In today’s fast-paced world, it seems to be getting harder to say no and more tempting to always say yes. Try this, buy that, go here, do this, the constant comparison of ourselves to others. Saying no can set you on the path to discovering your authentic life. Knowing when and how to say no can lead to empowerment and better decision-making. Let’s explore the significance of saying no and how it can improve your life.

Understanding the Importance of Saying No

Saying no is more than just simply saying a word. It’s standing up for yourself and what you believe in or what you want. It’s putting yourself first (for once) and saying no to external pressures and expectations. It’s prioritizing your needs and wants and following what you truly want in the moment. It’s being intentional with your time. Saying no is a sign of strength and self-respect. This is something that many people (including myself) struggle to follow. The fear of rejection, fear of disappointing others, and a deep-seated desire to please everyone all the time for some unknown reason often holds people back from living their ideal life.

The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

The fear of missing out is dangerous. FOMO can turn you off course in your decision-making and your desire to live intentionally. The constant worry about missing out on opportunities or social events prompts people to say yes, even when it isn’t in their best interest or what they truly want. Social media has not made this easy on us folks.

You can say no to social events if they do not align with your core values. You have permission to say no and to stay home and do something that will fill up your cup instead. Don’t be afraid to say no due to the fear of missing out.

Instead, think of what you’re gaining from missing out. You get to read that book you’ve been dying to open since you bought it. You get to spend quality time with your husband, cuddled up on the couch eating movie-theater popcorn and watching your favorite movie.

You get to decide how your time is spent; don’t let the fear of missing out make you question yourself or your wants and desires. This fear can lead to an overcommitted schedule full of activities you don’t want to do, with people you don’t want to see, and a deep sense of dissatisfaction with your current life. No thank you.

Benefits of Mastering the Art of No

Learning to say no isn’t just about turning down requests; it’s about reclaiming control over your time and well-being.

The Impact on Mental Health

Consistently saying yes takes a toll on mental health. I know it’s a popular thought process of, “say yes to everything so you can experience the world.” Okay, I get that, but also – listen to your body. I tell my four year old on repeat, “Listen to your body. What do you need right now?” She and I both get over-stimulated fairly quickly at times. I see her and understand her. I bet this hits home to many of you as well.

What if 💭

What if we just listened to our bodies instead of pushing through all the time? If you don’t have the social battery, cancel the plans. If you don’t think you have the mental capacity to be present and enjoy the activity scheduled, try again next time. You were excited about plans, but your toddler woke up on the wrong side of the bed and the thought of going out on an adventure with that attitude makes you want to scream (*mhm, this is me), stay home and try to get your nervous system regulated mama.

Overcommitting leads to...

Overcommitting leads to burnout, stress, and anxiety. I want to be the best version of myself for me and also for those I love. The need for me to practice setting clear boundaries has this been heightened since we’ve adopted our daughter. We are in the balance of three families blended together with outings, social gatherings, holidays, and everyday tasks and duties. Without clear boundaries, the pressure to meet everyone’s expectations can become overwhelming, making the need for saying no even more necessary.

Enhanced Focus and Productivity

Saying no allows you to prioritize tasks that truly matter. With fewer unnecessary commitments or commitments that drain you, you can focus on important projects or goals and manage your time more effectively. This frees up time for you to cultivate the lifestyle you want to build.

Stronger Relationships

Being honest about your limitations fosters mutual respect. Both personal and professional relationships benefit when you’re upfront about what you can and can’t do. It sets clear expectations and builds trust.

I’ve found in my journey that my ability to say no has gained me respect from those I love and truly understand me. I’ve heard “I wish I could say no and not feel bad about it” and “I understand. I wish I didn’t have to go do x, y, or z tonight, but so-and-so are expecting me there.” No thank you. I’m not perfect by any means, but I do try to remain true to myself and stay honest with those around me so there are no unspoken expectations. They are set and they are clear.

It also allows you to be more present the next time you commit to plans with that person. If I’m frazzled and not having a good mental-health day, why force myself to visit or continue with plans when I could instead focus on myself and get myself back to feeling “normal.”

How to Say No Gracefully

Turning someone down doesn’t have to be harsh (I mean, that’s why I say no thank you instead of just no, right?).

Be Honest, Direct, Kind

Clear communication is key.

We’ve all heard the “I’m not sure. I don’t know how I’ll feel. Maybe.” Be straightforward and honest. You can do this while being compassionate and without the guilt afterwards (it takes practice and time, but it gets easier). “I don’t have the mental clarity today for a get-together. Let’s reschedule.” Or a simple, “I appreciate the offer, but I can’t commit to that right now,” can be both decisive and polite. Turning down a social invite can be tricky. Be honest and courteous. A response like, “Thank you for inviting me, but I have other commitments,” is respectful and clear.

I still feel guilty occasionally after saying no, but usually I feel a sense of relief.

Managing Our Commitments

Our obligations can pile up fast. Managing our commitments can be extremely hard, but life is constantly changing so remain flexible when it comes to setting your priorities and let them change when needed. Identify your core values, set intentions, and prioritize your needs. Wouldn’t we like to do it all? Do everything we’re interested in, perfectly, every chance we get? Yes, however, that’s unrealistic.

We have a finite amount of energy within us that we can use towards activities, goals, and life in general. It takes self-reflection and setting intentions to make life most meaningful. Managing our commitments can be difficult. Sometimes we have to say no to certain things in order to prioritize other needs at the time. Prioritizing your goals can help in developing the life we want.

My daughter will be going back to school in about a week; my commitments will change and some of my priorities will most likely shift. That’s okay. It’s life. Actively managing our commitments and revisiting them on a consistent basis keeps us on track to living our best lives.

Conclusion

Saying no is freaking hard. It is a life skill that I believe is built over time with practicing it over and over. Saying no can empower you to build a balanced and more meaningful life. It’s about setting boundaries, prioritizing your well-being, and saying no to the things that no longer serve you. Embrace the power of no and see how it transforms your life for the better. Once you start, you won’t want to stop. Let me know what you’ve said no to recently. I want to hear how you’re saying no to expectations and saying yes to yourself.